I’m planning a basic bitch wedding but I don’t care

In this age of Pinterest, Etsy and Instagram there can be a real pressure that your wedding must be completely unique, but let’s be honest: most weddings are pretty much identical on the whole. After all, when you boil a wedding down to its basics, it’s about two people in nicer than usual clothes making vows, followed by a party with food and drink.

Even the most outrageously non-traditional weddings will still have those basic ingredients. It’s the details that really bring in your individuality.

So rather than going full hipster and trying to have an “authentic and original” wedding, I am embracing the fact that there have been others pioneering ahead of me and trying to use their planning experiences to inform my own.

After all, when there’s an entire industry to navigate that’s designed to make you rely on someone who profits off your decisions it certainly helps to borrow the map from someone who’s been through it all already.
I have certainly found that despite the myriad of wedding blogs, magazines and forums out there, it can be really hard to find concrete information or even just answers to simple questions like ‘How much does X cost on average?' Fortunately I have Nicola for that!

Being a small city, Canberra has a limited number of venues and vendors.  But one of the benefits of this is you’re bound to know someone who has used the same one before and can give great advice. And there’s the added benefit with word of mouth that I not only get a recommendation from a happy customer, but I can see pictures of what their day looked like.

I’ve found most vendors are familiar with our venue, which is very useful when making decisions, especially if the consultant can show pictures of other events they’ve done there before. This mostly applies to decorations but is also useful for every other vendor, be it a band, florist or even hair and makeup – the fewer people who call asking for directions on the day, the better!!

But then, on some things, I’ve just gone with people I’ve found via Google! After all, I’m planning this thing so I’m going to do it my way (well, our way) and personally, the fewer appointments I have to drag my fiancé to (and go to myself), the better. If I can research online, organise the quote, find out more information and make the booking all via email or a phone call then that suits me best (I know, I know #GenY).

I would much rather do it all in my own time than have to go to an appointment and look through a photo album of pictures I could just as easily see on their website. Plus I don’t have the energy to select every item myself! I am much happier just leaving it to the professionals. If that means I have to be hands-off and risk it turning out a little cookie cutter, who cares?

Besides, it has actually been my experience so far that the vendors get really excited at the opportunity to work their own magic instead of having to try to match someone else’s vision (or copy something from another wedding that you pinned a year ago). They’re in this game because they love it, so why not let them do the work and show off their talent?

Things I’ve booked from just online research and talking over email:

• Florist. Based on her website, this is not the first wedding she’s done this way and from the photos her flowers always look great. I don’t have the time, interest or expertise to pick out each individual type of flower in my bouquet and I shouldn’t need to - she’s the trained professional; her opinion is far more valuable than mine on the topic. Plus how awful would it be to have your heart set on something that isn't available at that time of year?
  
• Hair and makeup. Again, I’ve done my research on their website gallery and Facebook page and am confident they can do a good job, so why spend any more time in trying to obsess over the particular shade and brand of neutral eyeshadow I simply must have? That said, there is a growing Pinboard on my Pinterest of hairstyles. But that's what trials are for, and again, they're the professionals so they should be able to work with what I have (and I'll take a photo of styles I like. I don't want to end up with prom hair up to Jesus).
  
• The cake. We’ll probably do a tasting eventually but really, cake is always good. Even if it’s dry and bland, after a few champagnes I’ll still think it’s amazing! Plus our cake will be served with tea and coffee at the end of the night as a midnight snack so it's not intended as the showstopper. What I liked about my supplier is she has a standard design that you can modify with your individual touches, so after the quote I know not only how much it'll be but what it will look like. And we can choose our flavour.
• Wedding dress. I actually ordered my dress off the catalogue from a stockist store. I had tried on so many dresses and not found any one that I thought was great (and I was not searching for perfection). I had tried on one from the designer that I liked the shape of but the neckline was all wrong and I didn't like the lace - after doing some online research on the rest of the catalogue, I found a dress in the same shape but with my favourite neckline and gorgeous vintage lace. Thanks to the wonders of Google Image, I also managed to track down some photos from real weddings and brides trying it on in stores so I had a really good feel for how it looked in both photos and on different bodies and not just on the model.

TIPS:

• Use Pinterest, magazines and blogs to decide what kind of look you’re going for – it’s a lot easier for the vendors if you can give them a basic brief (ours is ‘garden party’), or even a colour palette (pink, green, gold and white). Then sit back, take your hands off the wheel, and let them do their thing.
• Ask friends for recommendations but don’t feel obligated to go with them. It’s your wedding, not a repeat of theirs.
• Research your vendors. Check out their website, Facebook page and any reviews that might have been posted. That should give you a feel for what they are best at doing.
• Be upfront with your vendors about your expectations. If they are not comfortable with you having a hands-off approach, they’re not the right fit. And if they can’t come up with ideas of their own without your guidance, they’re definitely not right.

Amanda answers our 10 questions for newlyweds

Sometimes when you're planning your wedding it can feel like you're the only people in the world who have gone through this huge, time-consuming thing. Fortunately, that is most certainly not the case! In this feature, we ask newlyweds to pass on their advice from their wedding planning experiences, while it's still fresh in their memories before the glow of wedded life puts a shine on everything.

Amanda married her long-term boyfriend on 21 November 2014 in Canberra. She was kind enough to answer our 10 questions on the eve of heading off on their delayed honeymoon to Italy.

 

How to be inclusive of LGBTQIA guests

Here is an etiquette question for the 21^st Century – how do we hold an inclusive wedding when our country doesn’t have marriage equality? I really admire couples who have taken a stand and resolved not to get married themselves until it’s legal for everyone. I would have liked to have thought I’d be one of them but here I am in the middle of planning my wedding. We can only hope this issue will be eliminated in the next few years when our country wises up and makes marriage equality legal (to make your views heard, write to your representatives!). In the meantime, I believe you can still get married and be inclusive of your LGBTQIA (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Intersex and Asexual) guests and family.

It’s a legal requirement that the Marriage Act Amendment 2004 (which stipulates that “Marriage according to law in Australia is the union of a man and a woman to the exclusion of all others”) is read out during non-religious (i.e. civil) marriage ceremonies. But just because it has to be said doesn’t mean you have to let your guests think you support it, whether they are LGBTQIA or not.

If this is something that is important to you (as it is to me), it’s worth thinking about how to incorporate those beliefs into your wedding. Many couples are choosing to read out their own statements after the legally required wording to emphasise their support for marriage equality. Here are some examples of the kind of wording you could use:

‘[The couple] would like to acknowledge that marriage equality is not yet legal in Australia and convey their hope that this changes very soon’

 

‘[The couple] believe all love is equal and would like to note that the current law does not reflect their views’.

 

‘I am required by law to state the next part of the service but [the couple] wanted me to state that they do not agree with the current law and believe everyone deserves the right to legally marry the one they love’.

Other options include a sign that outlines your objection (as seen on MamaMia) or putting a note in the ceremony program.

Tips:

• Keep in mind, your ceremony should still be about you. You don’t have to turn it into a rally just to show your opposition. It’s about making those guests still feel included and acknowledging that you support them in the fight.
• If you’re planning to make a statement, be sure your celebrant is cool with it since they will be the one conducting the ceremony. This is a good question to ask during your initial discussions before you engage them.
• If you don’t want to seem to just be giving lip service to the issue, consider donating to a LGBTQIA charity in lieu of a wedding favour or from part of the wishing well.
• Worried about elderly or not-so-understanding relatives making a fuss about it? Just keep in mind the reasons why you’re doing it – because it’s important to you and you want to be supportive of those who have to face these kinds of attitudes daily. You can’t please everyone so think about who you would rather make happy.
• This is only applicable to non-religious ceremonies. Those held in a place of worship have their own order of service and do not have the same legal obligations.