How to be inclusive of LGBTQIA guests

Here is an etiquette question for the 21^st Century – how do we hold an inclusive wedding when our country doesn’t have marriage equality? I really admire couples who have taken a stand and resolved not to get married themselves until it’s legal for everyone. I would have liked to have thought I’d be one of them but here I am in the middle of planning my wedding. We can only hope this issue will be eliminated in the next few years when our country wises up and makes marriage equality legal (to make your views heard, write to your representatives!). In the meantime, I believe you can still get married and be inclusive of your LGBTQIA (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Intersex and Asexual) guests and family.

It’s a legal requirement that the Marriage Act Amendment 2004 (which stipulates that “Marriage according to law in Australia is the union of a man and a woman to the exclusion of all others”) is read out during non-religious (i.e. civil) marriage ceremonies. But just because it has to be said doesn’t mean you have to let your guests think you support it, whether they are LGBTQIA or not.

If this is something that is important to you (as it is to me), it’s worth thinking about how to incorporate those beliefs into your wedding. Many couples are choosing to read out their own statements after the legally required wording to emphasise their support for marriage equality. Here are some examples of the kind of wording you could use:

‘[The couple] would like to acknowledge that marriage equality is not yet legal in Australia and convey their hope that this changes very soon’

 

‘[The couple] believe all love is equal and would like to note that the current law does not reflect their views’.

 

‘I am required by law to state the next part of the service but [the couple] wanted me to state that they do not agree with the current law and believe everyone deserves the right to legally marry the one they love’.

Other options include a sign that outlines your objection (as seen on MamaMia) or putting a note in the ceremony program.

Tips:

• Keep in mind, your ceremony should still be about you. You don’t have to turn it into a rally just to show your opposition. It’s about making those guests still feel included and acknowledging that you support them in the fight.
• If you’re planning to make a statement, be sure your celebrant is cool with it since they will be the one conducting the ceremony. This is a good question to ask during your initial discussions before you engage them.
• If you don’t want to seem to just be giving lip service to the issue, consider donating to a LGBTQIA charity in lieu of a wedding favour or from part of the wishing well.
• Worried about elderly or not-so-understanding relatives making a fuss about it? Just keep in mind the reasons why you’re doing it – because it’s important to you and you want to be supportive of those who have to face these kinds of attitudes daily. You can’t please everyone so think about who you would rather make happy.
• This is only applicable to non-religious ceremonies. Those held in a place of worship have their own order of service and do not have the same legal obligations.