Five things nobody tells you about wedding planning

There are so many sources for advice out there but here are some things that nothing really prepared me for:

1.         You will find out so much about yourself. When we first discussed getting married, I had this idea of myself as a modern, sophisticated commitmentphobe who would be most comfortable not making a big deal about the whole wedding thing, not wanting to be a “bride” at all. From the very beginning, I’ve have to really listen to myself and question my true desires, from the first time we casually looked at wedding rings and I realised I wasn’t (as I had proclaimed) into simple, plain jewellery. Turns out I am very much into bling! I thought I was too cool for all that girly stuff but really I’m just as into it as any other bride to be. And (this was the hard realisation to reach): there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s not superficial or shallow or unfeminist to want to throw yourself into something if it really excites and interests you, even if it’s “just” a wedding. Nobody else is going to get as into it as you will so you might as well be your own cheerleader. And ignore any ‘bridezilla’ remarks—having strong opinions about something you care deeply about does not make you a monster. (Expecting other people to care as much as you do and enjoy hearing about it constantly does, however. Just because now you’re a bride does not mean nobody else has anything going on in their life.)
2.          You will be completely blindsided by your own reactions sometimes. For me it was wedding dress shopping. I have always been interested in fashion and design so I spent a LOT of time researching online and I was really excited at the prospect of shopping for my wedding dress. But I didn’t feel like I was able to actually walk into a bridal boutique for the longest time. It’s like I was waiting for permission from someone that it was okay to look for a wedding dress. I got really stressed at the prospect of actually going out and looking and it wasn’t until my sister suggested maybe we should just go and look without seriously expecting to find something that I calmed down and could actually make an appointment. Still I did not really enjoy the process of shopping (that’s a different post for a different day). I dragged my sister and my best friend to almost every store in town but did not find anything I really liked—there were some things I looked nice in but I couldn’t commit, nothing stood out. I even ordered a dress online on impulse to just get it out of the way, but even then I didn’t feel like it was right! Then my parents came to visit and I took my mum dress shopping. It wasn’t until she was part of the process that I could actually relax and find something that I really loved—turns out I had been holding out for her input. Within the week I found the perfect dress and ordered it and I felt such a sense of relief that it was finally over. I had been so excited about the idea of the dress that I had built it up into a huge thing in my head. It wasn’t until I had made the decision that I was able to laugh about it and acknowledge the simple truth that all conventional wedding dresses pretty much look the same.
3.         You will make decisions then question them later. There are so many options available now for every little aspect of your wedding. You may have been planning and thinking about your wedding day for your whole life and get everything you ever dreamed of without compromise; or you might have only just had a vague idea of what your wedding might look like and suddenly have to make decisions on things that you never even knew existed! I’m about halfway through the planning process and I’m starting to feel like I’m in the wedding version of Sliding Doors—if we had gone with another choice, would everything be completely different? Would it have been better to go for a small intimate wedding instead of the family free-for-all we are currently planning (I have a lot of cousins)? Should we have picked that lovely out-of-the-way restaurant with the beautiful garden instead of trying to be accommodating for our guests and having the wedding in town? Should we have gone with a Canberra icon like Old Parliament House or a quirky location rather than a generic hotel ballroom? Should I have had bridesmaids??? I am assured by others that this is a perfectly natural part of the planning process. As long as you can switch off the What Ifs for a moment, reflect on the prospect of the day you HAVE planned and be satisfied, that’s all that matters. Like my bestie who bought a dress the first time she went shopping then spent months accompanying me trying on dresses and questioning if she made the right choice. When it all comes together you will remember why you made those decisions. (And if you really do change your mind, it isn’t as hard as you might imagine it will be to make the change. You can cancel reservations or talk to your vendors about the different direction you want to go in and get their help achieving it. As they say, shit happens.)
4.         Your initial plans will change. When we first started planning, our wedding was going to be an intimate evening ceremony on the lake because it’s so pretty there, followed by a quiet reception at a fancy but small restaurant that doesn’t have room for a dance floor but that’s okay because nobody really dances at weddings, right? What we now have is 90 people coming to an indoor afternoon reception, followed a three-course meal at an upmarket hotel with a seven-piece band. How did that happen?! Well first the guest list stretched by about 30 people when we realised just how many cousins we have and decided we couldn’t exclude them. Then we decided that we really wanted to dance at our own wedding and since nobody really dances to a DJ or an iPod, clearly a band was needed and who doesn’t love a saxophone? So now the reception doesn’t fit in the restaurant but that’s okay because I got worried about wet weather contingencies... and the rest is history. That wedding sounds like it would have been a really nice time, but the one we’re actually having is going to be so much more fun. That’s all that matters. Your plans may not warp quite so dramatically as ours but be assured: something will turn out differently than how you started it. This is not a bad thing, it’s just life.
5.         It will be seriously stressful. Okay everyone tells you that. But seriously, it will be really stressful. You will have no idea wy you care so much about something as silly as fonts on your invitation when people are just going to throw them out eventually anyway and even as you know this and laugh about it, it will STILL be really stressful. You may end up like me and get completely paralysed at the thought of having to perform a particular simple task like buying a dress. Even thinking about the on-the-day logistics makes my stomach clench, with  still seven months left to work out the details. You will fight about stupid stuff you don't even care about. You will fight about why you're fighting about stupid stuff when you don't even care about it! It's perfectly normal, don't worry about it. You're just like everyone else who is planning a wedding. Try to take some time out as a couple and not think or talk about it for a weekend. Remember why you're doing this in the first place and spend time together. It will all be okay.